Ok, so the main reason I tried Birra Moretti in the first place was because it’s only two letters removed from my last name. Who cares? You’d do the same thing if your last name was Spoorslight, so get off my back.
Obviously, this wasn’t the only reason I decided to give this Italian beer a taste. There were others too, I swear.
For one, the mustachioed gentleman on the label is apparently entrenched in such a satisfying buzz that he can only focus properly through his left eye. I think I’ve said enough on this piece.
Another is the simple fact that, although Italy is not normally lauded for its beer, the country’s proximity to Germany and Switzerland in the north should have at least provided enough alcoholic influence on the brew to help me tie one on. Of course, in this respect, I was not disappointed.
What surprised me most, however, was that nothing about this beer left me disappointed. The first things I noticed about Birra Moretti were how it immediately hit you with the bold, full-bodied crispness of a good lager, and how it finished smooth. There were no hints of fruit, or gimmicky frills of any kind for that matter; only the dry, slightly nutty richness of barley and hops.
It was kind of like drinking a darker version of Heineken, but without any of the skunky aftertaste that seems to always lurk near the bottom of those blasted green bottles. Also missing were the agonizing memories of bizarre and awkward Super Bowl ads invading my mind with each sip. Let’s thank the people at Moretti for having a tiny advertising budget, a lack of brand recognition, and the simple desire to make good beer.
At around 10 bucks a six pack, Moretti tends to be a little pricier than other imported bottles, but let’s be honest, it’s not like you’ll be parked in front of the football game this weekend eating caviar. You’re going straight for the buy-one-get-one-free frozen pizzas, pal, and we all know it. So, you might as well shell out some of that surplus dinner cash on a beer that’s authentically Italian. Birra Moretti es multo bene. Salute!
4 pints out of 5
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