At the Table With...Baseball Legends

We’ve all heard the obligatory conversation starter before: “If you could have dinner with an influential person, who would it be and why?” Ah, the sounds of a high school history class…except without all the snoring and with only half the amount of drool.

Believe me, I’m not asking you to relive it with me because, seriously, those conversations usually turned out to be as exciting as a Florida Marlins home game.

Personally, I always thought it’d be more interesting to think about what you’d actually say to these people as they were huddled around your kitchen table. What would you serve them? What in the hell would they say to you?

Ok, so maybe I think about pointless stuff a little too much. But I only do it so you, the faithful readers, don’t have to.

I’m a baseball guy, so let me share with you the top five ballplayers throughout history that I’d dine with. But I’ll even take it the extra mile for you. I’ll let you in on our conversations.

5. Alex Rodriguez

The Meal: An assorted tray of creams, jellies, and exotic antler sprays

The Conversation: 

CG: I’m glad you decided to stop by, A-Rod. Hey, you tired of that name yet? I know I am.

A-Rod: Big time. Thinking about starting a movement to change it. Maybe something like #50Cent_aur or #Lil_Shrink_Rod would work. Gain a little street cred , you know?

CG: No. I don't. But speaking of cred...how do you see the whole Biogenesis thing shaking out?

A-Rod: Does it really matter? There's a pretty good chance I nailed Madonna. 

CG: What does that have to do with anything? I mean, you're facing a pretty stiff suspension.

A-Rod: You said stiff. 

CG: Yes, Mr. Centaur, I did. Try to stay with me here. Don't you think this scandal will leave fans with a pretty grim outlook on your entire career?

A-Rod: Once again, the Madonna thing. Plus, don't tell Cashman but I'm about to cash his ass out over the next four years. I don't even have to play. I can just sit back, visualize the next six posters I'll have printed with my head attached to the body of a mythological creature, and collect my millions.

CG: Weird. Very weird. But hard to argue with you.

A-Rod: You know, you're starting to sound a lot like Bud Selig.

CG: Ok, I think this dinner's over.

4. Joe DiMaggio

The Meal: Veal Parmigiana and a pack of Marlboro Reds

The Conversation:

CG: Joe, I’ll always be in awe of your 56-game hitting streak. How’d you deal with the pressure?

Joe D: Trust me, it was easier than being married to Marilyn.

CG: High maintenance?

Joe D: You don’t know the half of it.

CG: Was it worth all the trouble?

Joe D: NO!!!  Well, yes.

CG: Shocking.

3. Pete Rose

The Meal: Bread and water

The Conversation:

CG: Sorry about the skimpy meal, Mr. Rose. You know, economy’s not all too good these days.

Rose: Don’t mention it. Besides, it happens to be one of my favorites. I used to refer to it as the after-parlay special back in Cincy.

CG: Sounds, um, healthy. Speaking of health, what’s your take on the whole Biogenesis scandal?

Rose: I’d be willing to bet more than half the league was using performance enhancers.

CG: Uh, are you sure you wouldn’t like to rephrase that last statement?

Rose: Why?

CG: Never mind….So how 'bout those Phillies?

2. Ty Cobb

The Meal: Fried chicken, collards, biscuits, and gravy

The Conversation:

CG: It’s an honor to have you, Mr. Cobb. I’m a huge fan. I celebrate your entire body of work.

Ty: I don’t know where you think this dinner is headed, boy, but you best leave my body out of it.

CG: What?

Ty: You know what I’m gettin’ at, you yella-bellied pretty boy.

CG: Actually, I don’t.

Ty: Look, just eat your damn chicken and zip your lip.

CG: …

Ty: That’s better. Now finish all your vegetables before I sharpen my spikes on that big old nose of yourn.

CG: Mr. Cobb, it’s been real.

1. Yogi Berra

The Meal: A bowl of Cap’n Crunch

The Conversation:

CG: Boy am I glad to be sitting here with you, Yogi…a man known for his dialogue.

Yogi: Well, they say a man’s dialogue is his treasure.

CG: Who says that?
Yogi: Well, it ain’t us, so it must be them.

CG: Of course it ain’t us, but who is “them?”

Yogi: All the people who think a man’s dialogue is his treasure.

CG: But I never heard anyone ever say that.

Yogi: What do you mean? I just said it two minutes ago.

CG: Are you sure you weren’t just reading random stuff off the back of the cereal box?

Yogi: Uhhh….ummm…It ain’t over till it’s over!

CG: What the…? Oh, forget it. Where’s Ty Cobb when you need him?

At the Table With...Baseball Legends

By: C.G. Morelli

We’ve all heard the obligatory conversation starter before: “If you could have dinner with an influential person, who would it be and why?” Ah, the sounds of a high school history class…except without all the snoring and with only half the amount of drool.

Believe me, I’m not asking you to relive it with me because, seriously, those conversations usually turned out to be as exciting as a Kansas City Royals home game.

Personally, I always thought it’d be more interesting to think about what you’d actually say to these people as they were huddled around your kitchen table. What would you serve them? What in the hell would they say to you?

Ok, so maybe I think about pointless stuff a little too much. But I only do it so you, the faithful readers, don’t have to.

I’m a baseball guy, so let me share with you the top five ballplayers throughout history that I’d dine with. But I’ll even take it the extra mile for you. I’ll let you in on our conversations.

5. Manny Ramirez

The Meal: Something extremely rich

The Conversation: 

CG: I’m glad you decided to stop by, Manny.

Manny: Me too. I can never pass up a free meal, especially when I don’t have a place to call home.

CG: Free? I never said that.

Manny: It doesn’t matter. You’ll pay for it. Come on, look at this face. How can you resist me?

CG: Do I look like Ned Coletti?

Manny: Actually, yes.

CG: Take that back.

Manny: Give me 30 million.

CG: What?!?

Manny: I meant 45 million.

CG: Ok, I think this dinner’s over.

Manny: (walking to the door) You’ll call back. They always do.

4. Joe DiMaggio

The Meal: Veal Parmigiana and a pack of Marlboro Reds

The Conversation:

CG: Joe, I’ll always be in awe of your 56-game hitting streak. How’d you deal with the pressure?

Joe D: Trust me, it was easier than being married to Marilyn.

CG: High maintenance?

Joe D: You don’t know the half of it.

CG: Was it worth all the trouble?

Joe D: NO!!!  Well, yes.

CG: Shocking.

3. Pete Rose

The Meal: Bread and water

The Conversation:

CG: Sorry about the skimpy meal, Mr. Rose. You know, economy’s not all too good these days.

Rose: Don’t mention it. Besides, it happens to be one of my favorites. I used to refer to it as the after-parlay special back in Cincy.

CG: Sounds, um, healthy. Speaking of health, what’s your take on the whole steroids scandal?

Rose: I’d be willing to bet more than half the league was doing them.

CG: Uh, are you sure you wouldn’t like to rephrase that last statement?

Rose: Why?

CG: Never mind….So how about those Phillies?

2. Ty Cobb

The Meal: Fried chicken, collards, biscuits, and gravy

The Conversation:

CG: It’s an honor to have you, Mr. Cobb. I’m a huge fan. I celebrate your entire body of work.

Ty: I don’t know where you think this dinner is headed, boy, but you best leave my body out of it.

CG: What?

Ty: You know what I’m gettin’ at, you yella-bellied pretty boy.

CG: Actually, I don’t.

Ty: Look, just eat your damn chicken and zip your lip.

CG: …

Ty: That’s better. Now finish all your vegetables before I sharpen my spikes on that big old nose of yourn.

CG: Mr. Cobb, it’s been real.

1. Yogi Berra

The Meal: A bowl of Cap’n Crunch

The Conversation:

CG: Boy am I glad to be sitting here with you, Yogi…a man known for his dialogue.

Yogi: Well, they say a man’s dialogue is his treasure.

CG: Who says that?
Yogi: Well, it ain’t us, so it must be them.

CG: Of course it ain’t us, but who is “them?”

Yogi: All the people who think a man’s dialogue is his treasure.

CG: But I never heard anyone ever say that.

Yogi: What do you mean? I just said it two minutes ago.

CG: Are you sure you weren’t just reading random stuff off the back of the cereal box?

Yogi: Uhhh….ummm…It ain’t over till it’s over!

CG: What the…? Oh, forget it. Where’s Ty Cobb when you need him?

Ten Pro Records We May Never See Broken

By: C.G. Morelli

Many will tell you that a record is the highest personal honor that can be obtained by any athlete. Others contend that records set new standards and push athletes to reach higher, to run faster, and to push harder. As spectators, we relish in seeing these feats accomplished, and we thrive on seeing them broken a short time later. In fact, it’s no secret that many of us live and die by the age-old axiom, “records are made to be broken.” 

But some feats are just so unbelievable they stretch the viability of such a saying to its breaking point. Here is a list of the top ten records in professional sports that may never be matched.

10. Secretariat’s Belmont Time

On his way to perhaps the most impressive Triple Crown in horse racing history, Secretariat shattered track records that still stand today. Set in 1973, his time at the Kentucky Derby of 1:59 is a lengthy half-second better than any other horse that’s run the track.  But that’s not the amazing feat. Big Red’s blazing Belmont mark of 2:24, is a full two seconds better than his next closest competition (A.P. Indy, 2:26, 1992), making it a run that may never be matched no matter how many geneticists they put on the job.

9. Pete Rose’s Career Hits

When you shatter Ty Cobb’s mark by 65 hits, you know you’ve done something special.  Still, some believe Rose’s career mark of 4,256 hits does seem reachable. Ichiro Suzuki now has 1,592 hits. That means he only needs 2,655 more to eclipse Charlie Hustle. But let’s remember, Ichiro is 34 years old. That means he probably needs to average 270 hits or more for the next decade. A-Rod is currently 2,007 hits shy of Rose’s mark. That means he needs to average 200 hits every year for the next decade. He’s only reached the 200-hit plateau once in his career. Doesn’t seem so reachable now, does it?

8. Tiger Woods’ Cuts Made Streak

Does this guy ever have a bad round?  From 1998 to 2005, Tiger pretty much answered that question with a big, fat NO. Any thoughts of possibly not making a cut clearly didn’t cross his mind during this time because he was automatic. Tiger made a mind-boggling 142 tournament cuts in a row, leaving him in the money more times than Richie Rich. Ironically, the only golfer who seems to have a shot at breaking this streak any time soon is Tiger Woods himself.  But even that seems unlikely.

7. Cal Ripken Jr. / Brett Favre Consecutive Games

The iron men of baseball and football are both testaments to a hard-nose era in sports. Cal’s streak of 2,632 straight games bested Lou Gehrig in 1995. You know you’re tough when you outlast a dude whose nickname was the Iron Horse. Maybe more impressive, because of the position he plays, was Brett Favre’s recent streak of 297 straight starts as the Packers/Jets/Vikings' quarterback. This record is especially amazing in the current hospital ward version of the NFL, where it sometimes feels like the injured lists are longer than most of the active rosters in the league.

6. Wayne Gretzky’s Single Season Goals

The Great One plugged the net 92 times in 1981 on his way to a 212 point season. His mark bests the next player on the list, Brett Hull, by six goals. Even though the NHL has changed rules to increase overall scoring, there’s just not one single player who dominates the game the way Gretzky did for so long. I simply don’t see another player capable of matching the Great One’s mark. And yes, that includes you too, Mr. Crosby.

5. Lance Armstrong’s Tour de “Lance”

Scandal or no scandal, Armstrong’s domination of the Tour de France for nearly a decade is perhaps the most significant act ever performed in the sport of cycling. From 1999 to 2005, Lance won the hallowed event seven straight times. What’s even more amazing is he ran his gauntlet just three years after battling cancer. I don’t care what people want to accuse this guy of doing, his feat is simply unmatchable.

4. Nolan Ryan’s No-Hitters

We may never see a pitcher like Nolan Ryan again, let alone see his record of seven career no-hitters ever beaten. What’s even more mind-numbing is the Ryan Express tallied his first no-no in 1973 at the tender age of 26, and his last one in 1991 at a slightly more ripened 44. Talk about standing up to the test of time. The only thing that’ll last longer than Ryan himself is an almost surreal record. Did I mention he also boasts 5,714 career strikeouts?

3. Bill Russell’s Rings

Perhaps no sports figure has been as fortunate as the legendary Bill Russell, especially when it comes to winning championships. From 1956 to 1969 Russell collected a ring for every finger, and even one for his toes. That’s right, an outrageous 11 championships.  Not even Vince Lombardi or Michael Jordan can match that total. Want your jaw to drop a little lower? He won two of those titles as a player/coach. Maybe we give him a few extra rings for that.

2. Wilt Chamberlain’s Points in a Game

Everyone knows about Wilt the Stilt’s 100 points in a single game, but do they realize just how unreachable this standard seems to be? There hasn’t been a single player to even come within shouting distance of this mark. Kobe Bryant’s became the Stilt’s second fiddle when he dropped 81 points on the Raptors in 2006.  But even that ridiculous performance was 19 points shy of Wilt’s total. Nineteen points? Most guys never reach that total in a single game in the course of an entire season, but that’s the gap between Chamberlain and his nearest competitor. Amazing.

1. Joe DiMaggio’s Hitting Streak

There’s just no way to deny the Yankee Clipper his rightful spot at the top of this list. On May 15, 1941 Joe DiMaggio slapped a single off Eddie Smith, and for the next 61days this country ate, slept, and dreamed nothing but Joe. He thrust the insurmountable weight of the City of New York on his shoulders and carried it through 56 straight games of steady hitting. Then he took just a single day off before feasting on American League pitching for another 16 straight. His 56-game hitting streak has only been approached once, that by Pete Rose, whose measly 44-game streak seems like a distant cloud of dust in DiMaggio’s rear-view mirror. Every year we see another player run a hitting streak to 25, maybe even 30 games before fizzling out. And every year it becomes clear that Joltin’ Joe’s streak will stand as long as there is baseball.

Super Bowl Monday: Post Game Work Excuses

By: C.G. Morelli

Super Bowl Sunday is a glorious day. It’s filled with parties and people, keg stands and corn chips. It’s a celebration of 20 weekends spent huddled in front of our sets waiting for the teams to be whittled down to two. And when it finally happens, there are at least four perfect hours of pure football freedom.

But then the game ends, and with it the weekend. The last thing you want to do is toss back a few Alka-Seltzers and prepare yourself for another grueling work week. Can’t you have just one more day?

Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.  I’m here to guide you through some of the good, the bad, and the just plain ugly ways to make that inevitable Monday morning call out.

THE GOOD

Stall-ing Out

When it comes to guaranteed success, no other excuse in the book is more reliable than the old stomach bug routine. Think about it. There’s not a boss in the business that doesn’t have sympathy for an employee who ate a bad batch of hot wings during the Super Bowl and spent the rest of the night dropping shots of Kaopectate on the throne.

Plus, there’s no chance even the stingiest of managers would have use for someone whose main contribution to the work day will be peppering the toilets in the employee john. It’s a can’t miss.

Some Say a Good Phony Fever…

When it comes to the working world, Ferris Bueller’s sage advice that a phony fever will get you nabbed is pure hogwash. Sure, a very small percentage of offices ask for a doctor’s note. But chances are yours is not one of them, and that leaves you with a great excuse. The beauty of the Super Bowl is that it’s played in the dead of winter; also the height of flu season. Coincidence? I think not.

The chances of catching the flu at a crowded Super Bowl party are actually pretty darn good, so your boss will have trouble questioning the absence. A bonus is you can probably stretch this one out for a few days as the “flu” works its way out of your system. Go for some sympathy points by telling the folks at your office you got sick before the Bowl and had to miss the game. Then spend your Monday finishing off the left over pizza crusts and hanging around in your boxers until dinner.

An Offer They Can’t Refuse

You don’t have to be a stand-up comic to impersonate the voice of some idiot with laryngitis. You probably have the idiot part down already. Now, call your boss at the crack of dawn, do your best impression of Marlon Brando in The Godfather as you tell him you screamed yourself hoarse during the game, and proceed to enjoy your day off. It’s time to pull the covers back over your head for a few more hours of quality snooze time.

This excuse works really well for people who need to predominantly use their voices during the course of a work day. You know, teachers, receptionists, telephone operators, political candidates (that’s right Barack, I know you’re thinking about logging in that sick day), and the like.

THE BAD

To the Funny Farm…

Nothing screams, “I’m a psychotic nutcase!” more than a bad excuse that conjures up an image of you as a lunatic super fan. So, before you call your boss in the morning and tell him you’re covered from head to toe in gold face paint and that your now-hairless chest bears the logo of the Green Bay Packers, please think again.

A tactic like this may get you the day off, but don’t be surprised if a bunch of guys in white suits are sent to your home with a tailor-made straight jacket, compliments of the company. Trust me, not only is this a poor excuse, it’s altogether a very poor idea.

Care to Place a Little Wager?

I once knew a guy who tried to tell the boss he lost a bet which prevented him from coming to work. Being that he was such an “honest” gentleman and, therefore, bound to his debt, he couldn’t possibly break the deal. He had this elaborate story all boiled up and everything.

The boss actually stood there and listened to that crap for a full 15 minutes. You know where that guy is today? Neither do I. He got canned about five minutes later. The fact is, not many employers appreciate the Pete Rose type. Go figure.

Sossifer, I’m Ober

If you take nothing at all from this article, remember one thing: DO NOT USE BEER AS AN EXCUSE! Regardless of the fact that the Super Bowl is one of the biggest days of the year for alcohol sales, we are all supposed to suddenly turn back into sweet, innocent, little pixies once the clock strikes midnight.

Bottom line, unless you’re a member of the Kennedy family, do not under any circumstance call your boss and slur something to him about not being able to legally drive this early in the morning.

THE UGLY

Boss a Steelers Fan?

If you just want to be brutally truthful and you happen to be a Packers fan, give the old boss an excuse that’s both believable and amusing. Tell him a large gentleman dressed in black and gold smacked you in the chops, heisted your foam-rubber cheesehead, and made you Lambeau leap.

Brighten his morning with this little nugget of information and you might be finishing off stale pork rinds and watching re-runs of Good Times all week.

Enjoy your Superbowl Monday, folks. You’ve earned it.

To Dine With Ballplayers

By: C.G. Morelli

We’ve all heard the obligatory conversation starter before: “If you could have dinner with an influential person, who would it be and why?” Ah, the sounds of a high school history class…except without all the snoring and with only half the amount of drool.

Believe me, I’m not asking you to relive it with me because, seriously, those conversations usually turned out to be as exciting as a Kansas City Royals home game.

Personally, I always thought it’d be more interesting to think about what you’d actually say to these people as they were huddled around your kitchen table. What would you serve them? What in the hell would they say to you?

Ok, so maybe I think about pointless stuff a little too much. But I only do it so you, the faithful readers, don’t have to.

I’m a baseball guy, so let me share with you the top five ballplayers throughout history that I’d dine with. But I’ll even take it the extra mile for you. I’ll let you in on our conversations.

5. Manny Ramirez

The Meal: Something extremely rich

The Conversation: 

CG: I’m glad you decided to stop by, Manny.

Manny: Me too. I can never pass up a free meal, especially when I don’t have a place to call home.

CG: Free? I never said that.

Manny: It doesn’t matter. You’ll pay for it. Come on, look at this face. How can you resist me?

CG: Do I look like Ned Coletti?

Manny: Actually, yes.

CG: Take that back.

Manny: Give me 30 million.

CG: What?!?

Manny: I meant 45 million.

CG: Ok, I think this dinner’s over.

Manny: (walking to the door) You’ll call back. They always do.

4. Joe DiMaggio

The Meal: Veal Parmigiana and a pack of Marlboro Reds

The Conversation:

CG: Joe, I’ll always be in awe of your 56-game hitting streak. How’d you deal with the pressure?

Joe D: Trust me, it was easier than being married to Marilyn Monroe.

CG: High maintenance?

Joe D: You don’t know the half of it.

CG: Was it worth all the trouble?

Joe D: NO!!!  Well, yes.

CG: Shocking.

3. Pete Rose

The Meal: Bread and water

The Conversation:

CG: Sorry about the skimpy meal, Mr. Rose. You know, economy’s not all too good these days.

Rose: Don’t mention it. Besides, it happens to be one of my favorites. I used to refer to it as the after-parlay special back in Cincy.

CG: Sounds, um, healthy. Speaking of health, what’s your take on the whole steroids scandal?

Rose: I’d be willing to bet more than half the league was doing them.

CG: Uh, are you sure you wouldn’t like to rephrase that last statement?

Rose: Why?

CG: Never mind….So how about those Phillies?

2. Ty Cobb

The Meal: Fried chicken, collards, biscuits, and gravy

The Conversation:

CG: It’s an honor to have you, Mr. Cobb. I’m a huge fan. I celebrate you entire body of work.

Ty: I don’t know where you think this dinner is headed, boy, but you best leave my body out of it.

CG: What?

Ty: You know what I’m gettin’ at, you yella-bellied pretty boy.

CG: Actually, I don’t.

Ty: Look, just eat your damn chicken and zip your lip.

CG: …

Ty: That’s better. Now finish all your vegetables before I sharpen my spikes on that big old nose of yourn.

CG: Mr. Cobb, it’s been real.

1. Yogi Berra

The Meal: A bowl of Cap’n Crunch

The Conversation:

CG: Boy am I glad to be sitting here with you, Yogi…a man known for his dialogue.

Yogi: Well, they say a man’s dialogue is his treasure.

CG: Who says that?
Yogi: Well, it ain’t us, so it must be them.

CG: Of course it ain’t us, but who is “them?”

Yogi: All the people who think a man’s dialogue is his treasure.

CG: But I never heard anyone ever say that.

Yogi: What do you mean? I just said it two minutes ago.

CG: Are you sure you weren’t just reading random stuff off the back of the cereal box?

Yogi: Uhhh….ummm…It ain’t over till it’s over!

CG: What the…? Oh, forget it. Where’s Ty Cobb when you need him?

Blue Blood?

By: C.G. Morelli

Ask ten pro ball players how they made it to the big leagues and I’d bet nine of them would tell you, in some way, how they were blessed with a gift at birth. It’s one of those cliché statements every athlete suddenly becomes equipped with at the exact moment they turn pro.

That’s not to say there’s no truth in the statement. It just happens to bring to mind images of a dynastic monarchy; one with a powerful royalty and the idea of divine right. Sometimes I’m waiting for God himself to reach down from the heavens and anoint one of these guys with the power to rule over some medieval empire we weren’t aware still existed.

To me, if there really were such a thing as baseball royalty - if the ability to preside over a ball game was somehow passed down through divine right - then the man we’d all have to revere would be Albert Barlick.

True, the name might not ring a bell. But his contributions to the game, especially from just outside the foul lines, make up for that.

See, Al Barlick was born to be an umpire. He started in 1935 as nothing more than a glorified judge at pickup games on the sandlots of Springfield, Illinois. Barlick was just 20 years old and hadn’t played a stitch of baseball since he was a toddler. He never had the killer instinct or the athletic ability to compete with his peers, but his passion for the intricacies of the nation’s pastime was as thick as the game’s rule book itself.

Thus, Barlick turned himself into his own walking, talking rule book. He studied the game from every angle. He called more sandlot games than he’d care to admit, and he watched other umpires, including the great Bill Klem, call games until his eyeballs bled.

From the sandlots, Barlick worked his way up through the hayseed towns of the Northeast Arkansas League, the Piedmont League, the Eastern League, and the International League. The pay was barely enough to keep his head above water, but the feeling he got when he punched someone out on a called third strike, or when he’d flap his arms out beside him to indicate a diving runner was safe at the plate, were more than adequate stipends to get him through.

In 1940, Barlick finally got his big break as a National League umpire. Ironically, it was only in a fill-in capacity for his unwitting mentor, Bill Klem, who’d been forced from the field for medical reasons. But once the fans got a taste of Barlick’s extraordinarily flamboyant strike calls and out gestures, the NL signed him on permanently.   

From that moment on, Barlick had an uncanny knack for calling games that contained some of Major League Baseball’s most memorable moments.

In 1946 he was working home plate when Enos Slaughter made his “mad dash” for home to win the series for the St. Louis Cardinals. In ’47 he was along the first base line as Jackie Robinson stepped out onto the lush grass of Ebbett’s Field for the first time. In the ’54 Fall Classic he signaled the out after Willie Mays trekked deep into centerfield to make “the catch” on Vic Wertz’s 460 foot line drive. In ’49 he presided over the shortest inside-the-park homer in history when he ruled that Cubs’ outfielder Andy Pafko had trapped a short pop up. Pafko argued vehemently with Barlick as the batter strolled around the bases unnoticed. In the 1970 All Star game, he called Pete Rose safe at the plate after he flattened catcher Ray Fosse.

Speaking of All Star games, Barlick found himself at the Mid Summer Classic more often than not. He continues to hold the all time record for working the most All Star games with seven. He also found himself on the World Series crew seven times in his 30 year career.

Even at times when he was honored as the king of the umpiring world, like in 1961 when he was voted Best National League Umpire, he spurned the honor because the voting didn’t include his fellow men. Not until 1970 did Barlick accept any sort of notoriety for his service to the game when he was once again voted Best NL Umpire. This time, MLB allowed the umps to vote.

This is what impresses me most about Barlick; the understanding, respectful, and civilized demeanor he shared with his fellow umpires. The pride he took in his profession and in the people who shared that profession transcended the game itself. He was refined. He was polished. He set himself apart from the other blues out there.

Clearly, he was blue blood.  

Ten Pro Records We May Never See Broken

By: C.G. Morelli

Many will tell you that a record is the highest personal honor that can be obtained by any athlete. Others contend that records set new standards and push athletes to reach higher, to run faster, and to push harder. As spectators, we relish in seeing these feats accomplished, and we thrive on seeing them broken a short time later. In fact, it’s no secret that many of us live and die by the age-old axiom, “records are made to be broken.” 

But some feats are just so unbelievable they stretch the viability of such a saying to its breaking point. Here is a list of the top ten records in professional sports that may never be matched.

10. Secretariat’s Belmont Time

On his way to perhaps the most impressive Triple Crown in horse racing history, Secretariat shattered track records that still stand today. Set in 1973, his time at the Kentucky Derby of 1:59 is a lengthy half-second better than any other horse that’s run the track.  But that’s not the amazing feat. Big Red’s blazing Belmont mark of 2:24, is a full two seconds better than his next closest competition (A.P. Indy, 2:26, 1992), making it a run that may never be matched no matter how many geneticists they put on the job.

9. Pete Rose’s Career Hits

When you shatter Ty Cobb’s mark by 65 hits, you know you’ve done something special.  Still, some believe Rose’s career mark of 4,256 hits does seem reachable. Ichiro Suzuki now has 1,592 hits. That means he only needs 2,655 more to eclipse Charlie Hustle. But let’s remember, Ichiro is 34 years old. That means he probably needs to average 270 hits or more for the next decade. A-Rod is currently 2,007 hits shy of Rose’s mark. That means he needs to average 200 hits every year for the next decade. He’s only reached the 200-hit plateau once in his career. Doesn’t seem so reachable now, does it?

8. Tiger Woods’ Cuts Made Streak

Does this guy ever have a bad round?  From 1998 to 2005, Tiger pretty much answered that question with a big, fat NO. Any thoughts of possibly not making a cut clearly didn’t cross his mind during this time because he was automatic. Tiger made a mind-boggling 142 tournament cuts in a row, leaving him in the money more times than Richie Rich. Ironically, the only golfer who seems to have a shot at breaking this streak any time soon is Tiger Woods himself.  But even that seems unlikely.

7. Cal Ripken Jr. / Brett Favre Consecutive Games

The iron men of baseball and football are both testaments to a hard-nose era in sports. Cal’s streak of 2,632 straight games bested Lou Gehrig in 1995. You know you’re tough when you outlast a dude whose nickname was the Iron Horse. Maybe more impressive, because of the position he plays, is Brett Favre’s current streak of 273 straight starts as the Packers’ quarterback. This record is especially amazing in the current hospital ward version of the NFL, where it sometimes feels like the injured lists are longer than most of the active rosters in the league.

6. Wayne Gretzky’s Single Season Goals

The Great One plugged the net 92 times in 1981 on his way to a 212 point season. His mark bests the next player on the list, Brett Hull, by six goals. Even though the NHL has changed rules to increase overall scoring, there’s just not one single player who dominates the game the way Gretzky did for so long. I simply don’t see another player capable of matching the Great One’s mark. And yes, that includes you too, Mr. Crosby.

5. Lance Armstrong’s Tour de “Lance”

Scandal or no scandal, Armstrong’s domination of the Tour de France for nearly a decade is perhaps the most significant act ever performed in the sport of cycling. From 1999 to 2005, Lance won the hallowed event seven straight times. What’s even more amazing is he ran his gauntlet just three years after battling cancer. I don’t care what people want to accuse this guy of doing, his feat is simply unmatchable.

4. Nolan Ryan’s No-Hitters

We may never see a pitcher like Nolan Ryan again, let alone see his record of seven career no-hitters ever beaten. What’s even more mind-numbing is the Ryan Express tallied his first no-no in 1973 at the tender age of 26, and his last one in 1991 at a slightly more ripened 44. Talk about standing up to the test of time. The only thing that’ll last longer than Ryan himself is an almost surreal record. Did I mention he also boasts 5,714 career strikeouts?

3. Bill Russell’s Rings

Perhaps no sports figure has been as fortunate as the legendary Bill Russell, especially when it comes to winning championships. From 1956 to 1969 Russell collected a ring for every finger, and even one for his toes. That’s right, an outrageous 11 championships.  Not even Vince Lombardi or Michael Jordan can match that total. Want your jaw to drop a little lower? He won two of those titles as a player/coach. Maybe we give him a few extra rings for that.

2. Wilt Chamberlain’s Points in a Game

Everyone knows about Wilt the Stilt’s 100 points in a single game, but do they realize just how unreachable this standard seems to be? There hasn’t been a single player to even come within shouting distance of this mark. Kobe Bryant’s became the Stilt’s second fiddle when he dropped 81 points on the Raptors in 2006.  But even that ridiculous performance was 19 points shy of Wilt’s total. Nineteen points? Most guys never reach that total in a single game in the course of an entire season, but that’s the gap between Chamberlain and his nearest competitor. Amazing.

1. Joe DiMaggio’s Hitting Streak

There’s just no way to deny the Yankee Clipper his rightful spot at the top of this list. On May 15, 1941 Joe DiMaggio slapped a single off Eddie Smith, and for the next 61days this country ate, slept, and dreamed nothing but Joe. He thrust the insurmountable weight of the City of New York on his shoulders and carried it through 56 straight games of steady hitting. Then he took just a single day off before feasting on American League pitching for another 16 straight. His 56-game hitting streak has only been approached once, that by Pete Rose, whose measly 44-game streak seems like a distant cloud of dust in DiMaggio’s rear-view mirror. Every year we see another player run a hitting streak to 25, maybe even 30 games before fizzling out. And every year it becomes clear that Joltin’ Joe’s streak will stand as long as there is baseball.

Baseball and Haiku...A Match Made in Heaven

By: C.G. Morelli

hai⋅ku (hahy – koo) n.  1. An ancient form of Japanese poetry consisting of three lines and a 5-7-5 syllabic pattern.

Now I know poetry is probably the last thing on the minds of baseball fans at this time of year…heck, at any time of year. But I’m here to tell you Haiku doesn’t need to be imprisoned within the elementary confines of a second grade classroom.

Please allow me to bring it back into the fold for you. Why? Because with about 50 days remaining until Opening Day and no football to satisfy my thirst for sports, I’m bored out of my mind.

I’m sure you are too.

That’s right, I’m talking to you Mr. Avid Sports Fan who’s craftily reading this article in your cubicle with your left eye while keeping a vigilant watch on the door to your boss’s office with your right eye. Don’t despair, my friend. Together, we can whittle away the idle moments until Opening Day and extinguish our work day boredom simultaneously.

I took the liberty of getting the ball rolling, but it’s hard for me to say I’ve compiled on this page the greatest list of baseball Haiku known to man. After all, poems like these can be whipped up in no time flat. So basically, the following Haikus happen to be the best I was able to create in the last 15 minutes.

That’s why I need your help. You never know if the greatest baseball Haiku poem of all time is lounging around in your brain just waiting to be unleashed. Please join me in creating the definitive list of baseball Haiku. I promise I’ll keep ‘em coming too.

Here’s A Hearty Helping of Baseball Haiku:

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I love Don Zimmer

He got in Pedro’s face once

Even though he’s old

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Beer here! Cold beer here!

I’m reaching for my wallet

I don’t have twelve bucks

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Manny, oh Manny

Won’t you come back to Fenway?

Who the hell needs ya?

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Pete Rose was the best

Who cares about gambling, just

Put him in the Hall

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I love baseball but

MLB is a nightmare

Why is Bud in charge?

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The Phils won the series

Will somebody please pinch me?

It might be a dream.

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White ball falling fast

He runs, he dives, he catches

Runner stops and swears

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Steinbrenner had kids

That took over the Yankees.

They’ll make it worse, though

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The baseball Afro…

When will it come back in style?

I miss it dearly

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Little Earl Weaver

Had a very big mouth and

The O’s need him back

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Philly’s Fanatic

Is clearly the best mascot

In baseball today

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The pitchers report

The air is getting warmer

It’s almost that time…

The Unbreakable Record

By: C.G. Morelli

May 15, 1941- Joe DiMaggio, the Yankee Clipper, ripped a single off White Sox pitcher Eddie Smith. He was a wiry, young Italian-American who had learned the game of baseball on the sandlots of San Francisco and had grown to play centerfield for the New York Yankees. He didn’t know it at the time, but his hit off Smith had just set him on a journey to accomplish one of the most incredible feats in baseball history. DiMaggio would record a hit in 56 straight games, setting a Major League record that may never be broken. 

Of course, while riding his amazing streak, DiMaggio rose to the rank of instant superstar. His name, littered with vowels in all the wrong places, became one of household commonality. Americans flocked to the front of busy newsstands and department stores so they could read the headlines or listen to radio broadcasts about Joltin’ Joe. Even Major League players, including DiMaggio’s own brother Dom, an outfielder with the Boston Red Sox, received updates on Joe’s performance while on the playing field themselves. There was not a man, woman, or child in America that wasn’t completely hooked on DiMaggio’s heroics.

And who could blame them? The simple fact was that, no matter what the circumstances, Joltin’ Joe would always come through with a clutch hit to extend the streak another day. And he did so for just over two months, racking up 91 hits (including 15 dingers), 65 RBI, and 56 runs scored…all in just 56 games.

All Good Things Come to an End     

On July 17, DiMaggio took a taxi to Yankee Stadium where he would attempt to extend the streak to 57 games. The driver, a life-long Yankees fan, told Joe he had a bad feeling the streak would end that day. DiMaggio smiled and shook the man’s hand as he stepped out of the cab. Then he calmly strolled to the locker room and suited up for game number 57. He smashed two hard liners in the game, but both were gobbled up by White Sox third baseman, Ken Keltner. Pitcher, Jim Bagby, held Joe hitless in his final two at bats and that was that...the streak was broken. 

Somewhere in New York City a taxi driver felt like stabbing himself in the eye with a white-hot poker for possibly jinxing his favorite player. “I felt awful,” Joe said of the cab driver after the game, “He might have spent his whole life thinking he’d jinxed me, but I told him he hadn’t. My number was up.” The very next day, DiMaggio started a new streak that lasted 16 more games…which meant he had recorded a hit in 72 out of 73 games. Now there’s a stat that’ll make your head spin around like that possessed chick from The Exorcist.  

Big Brother

Dominic DiMaggio must have picked up some magic from his younger brother because, in 1949, it was his turn in the spotlight. From June 26 to August 7, Dom went on a 34 game hitting streak. He piled up 51 hits, 35 runs, and 13 RBI. His last chance to push the streak to 35 games came on August 9, in the seventh inning of a game against the Yankees. Dom hit a long fly ball that landed harmlessly in the glove of the centerfielder, who happened to be his kid brother, Joe DiMaggio. It was rumored Joe felt so bad about ending his brother’s streak he took him out for a steak dinner after the game.

Charlie Hustle

In 1978, a young star named Pete Rose began the only modern streak ever to rival DiMaggio’s mark. Between June 14 and July 31, Charlie Hustle dished out 72 hits and batted nearly .400 while running his streak to 44 games. Many experts at the time believed he was on his way to breaking DiMaggio’s record. But on August 1, Braves’ pitcher Gene Garber, struck out Rose in his final at-bat of the game. Imagine the frustration Rose must have felt after delivering a knock in 44 straight, only to look up and notice he was still a dozen donuts shy of the Clipper. That’s the kind of stuff that can drive a man to drinking…or gambling. Hmm. That’s odd.

A Streak with a Twist

The most recent streak of any serious note was turned in by Phillies’ shortstop, Jimmy Rollins.  During the final months of the 2005 season, Rollins delivered 61 hits.  He knocked in 22 runs and stole 15 bases while building up a 36 game hitting streak.  Then he met his worst enemy…the end of the season.  Rollins was forced to take his streak into the off season and resume it again in April of 2006.  He added a few more games to the total, but on April 6 Jason Marquis of the Cardinals halted J-Rolls’ streak at 38, still 18 games shy of DiMaggio’s record.

The Last Streak Standing

The mark of 56 straight games with a hit is one that DiMaggio has held for over 65 years.  No modern player has come within 12 games of tying this mark and many (including this writer) believe it is a record that will stand as long as people play baseball. There’s really no question that DiMaggio completed one of the greatest feats in baseball history during the summer of ‘41.