Tuesday, December 14, 2010

You Can Speak Pittsburghese!!

By: C.G. Morelli

Pensivanians from the Sahside to Sliberty, from Sharteers Crick on over to the Strip are prolly gearin’ up for an Arn City celebration on Sunday. I’m sure Stillers fans would love to sit on the stoop come lunch time Monday with a cold bottle of pop and a few sammitches and relive what was an 11th victory this season for Da Burg.

‘Course yunz should all know these loyal fans haven’t cried that’s it, Fort Pitt just yet. They know the black and gold has a tough one ahead of ‘em.

Now, if I didn’t know better I’d have to conclude the preceding paragraph had undergone the sloppiest editing process in journalistic history. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: this is a most ancient and revered language that is commonly used by a tribe of people known to inhabit a place called Pittsburgh.

It is a language that has both enticed and beleaguered me for years. But now, as the playoffs approach, I am ready to make amends with it. I am ready to offer you the chance to master the language of Pittsburghese right here at The Sporting Scribe.

Remember when your Spanish teacher told you back in high school the best way to learn a language is through application. I never thought I’d ever use that line. But hey, what better way to learn Pittsburghese than by studying a few of the most popular phrases you’d expect to hear from a Stiller’s fan during the big game Sunday? Therefore, I present you with:

A Stillers Fan’s Pittsburghese Pocket Dictionary: Concise Version
Arn Cityn. Iron City
            As in, “Hey Pack, you’re about to take an Arn City arse-whoopin’!”


Babushkan. a bandanna
As in, “Good thing it’s freezin’ in Dallas, so Ben can wear his ridiculous gloves and goofy babushka to represent Da Burg.

C –

Church Keyn. a bottle opener
            As in, “Give me the darn church key so I can polish off a few beers with my city chicken.”

City Chickenn. fried and skewered pork or veal

Cuttentv. could not
As in, “I cuttent believe yunz were crying about that Mike Wallace TD catch. Those refs were a couple a jags.”


Da Burgn. Pittsburgh

Dawnn. the male name Donald
            As in, “Hey Rodgers, you’re startin’ to look like a goofier version of Dawn Knotts!”


Et v. to eat
            As in, “Et ‘em up, Stillers!”


Gutchiesn. underwear
As in, “Hey Pack fans, don’t get your gutchies in a bunch just ‘cause our Stillers are about to treat your team like an old worsh rag.”


Jagn. a jerk


Kennywood’s Openadj. your fly’s down, buddy
As in, “Hey Jennings, Kennywood’s Open!” (Shouted moments before an unexpected pass bounces off the receiver’s hands in the end zone).


P’tootn. butt
            As in, “Polamalu’s prolly gonna knock Rodgers flat on his p’toot all day.”

Pensivanian. Pennsylvania

Popn. a bottle of Coke

Prollyadj. probably


Sahsiden. South Side

Sammitchesn. sandwiches

Sharteers Crickn. Chartier’s Creek

Slibertyn. East Liberty neighborhood

Stoopn. porch

Stripn. the Strip District (wholesale center near the rivers)


That’s it, Fort Pittadj. that’s all, folks
            As in, “Once Hines Ward knocked that defender on his p’toot I was like that’s it, Fort Pitt.”


Worsh Ragn. a wash rag
            As in, “I’m wavin’ this yellow worsh rag ‘cause some jag stole my Terrible Towel.”


Yaintv. you are not

Yunz n. all of you
            As in, “Yaint gonna tell me yunz’ll miss the game Sunday?!?”

Now that you know Pittsburghese, you’re free to root for Da Stillers using the proper vernacular…which, in this case, means happily leaving all the grammar rules you’ve learned since first grade at the front gate. Ah, the simple pleasures of the Steel City.

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