You Can Speak Pittsburghese!!

By: C.G. Morelli

Pensivanians from the Sahside to Sliberty, from Sharteers Crick on over to the Strip are prolly gearin’ up for an Arn City celebration on Sunday. I’m sure Stillers fans would love to sit on the stoop come lunch time Monday with a cold bottle of pop and a few sammitches and relive what was an 11^th victory this season for Da Burg.

‘Course yunz should all know these loyal fans haven’t cried that’s it, Fort Pitt just yet. They know the black and gold has a tough one ahead of ‘em.

Now, if I didn’t know better I’d have to conclude the preceding paragraph had undergone the sloppiest editing process in journalistic history. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: this is a most ancient and revered language that is commonly used by a tribe of people known to inhabit a place called Pittsburgh.

It is a language that has both enticed and beleaguered me for years. But now, as the playoffs approach, I am ready to make amends with it. I am ready to offer you the chance to master the language of Pittsburghese right here at The Sporting Scribe.

Remember when your Spanish teacher told you back in high school the best way to learn a language is through application. I never thought I’d ever use that line. But hey, what better way to learn Pittsburghese than by studying a few of the most popular phrases you’d expect to hear from a Stiller’s fan during the big game Sunday? Therefore, I present you with:

A Stillers Fan’s Pittsburghese Pocket Dictionary: Concise Version

A-

Arn City – n. Iron City

            As in, “Hey Pack, you’re about to take an Arn City arse-whoopin’!”

B-

Babushka – n. a bandanna

As in, “Good thing it’s freezin’ in Dallas, so Ben can wear his ridiculous gloves and goofy babushka to represent Da Burg.

C –

Church Key – n. a bottle opener

            As in, “Give me the darn church key so I can polish off a few beers with my city chicken.”

City Chicken – n. fried and skewered pork or veal

Cuttent – v. could not

As in, “I cuttent believe yunz were crying about that Mike Wallace TD catch. Those refs were a couple a jags.”

D-

Da Burg – n. Pittsburgh

Dawn – n. the male name Donald

            As in, “Hey Rodgers, you’re startin’ to look like a goofier version of Dawn Knotts!”

E-

Et – v. to eat

            As in, “Et ‘em up, Stillers!”

G-

Gutchies – n. underwear

As in, “Hey Pack fans, don’t get your gutchies in a bunch just ‘cause our Stillers are about to treat your team like an old worsh rag.”

J-

Jag – n. a jerk

K-

Kennywood’s Open – adj. your fly’s down, buddy

As in, “Hey Jennings, Kennywood’s Open!” (Shouted moments before an unexpected pass bounces off the receiver’s hands in the end zone).

P-

P’toot – n. butt

            As in, “Polamalu’s prolly gonna knock Rodgers flat on his p’toot all day.”

Pensivania – n. Pennsylvania

Pop – n. a bottle of Coke

Prolly – adj. probably

S-

Sahside – n. South Side

Sammitches – n. sandwiches

Sharteers Crick – n. Chartier’s Creek

Sliberty – n. East Liberty neighborhood

Stoop – n. porch

Strip – n. the Strip District (wholesale center near the rivers)

T-

That’s it, Fort Pitt – adj. that’s all, folks

            As in, “Once Hines Ward knocked that defender on his p’toot I was like that’s it, Fort Pitt.”

W-

Worsh Rag – n. a wash rag

            As in, “I’m wavin’ this yellow worsh rag ‘cause some jag stole my Terrible Towel.”

Y-

Yaint – v. you are not

Yunz – n. all of you

            As in, “Yaint gonna tell me yunz’ll miss the game Sunday?!?”

Now that you know Pittsburghese, you’re free to root for Da Stillers using the proper vernacular…which, in this case, means happily leaving all the grammar rules you’ve learned since first grade at the front gate. Ah, the simple pleasures of the Steel City.