The Most Miserable Fans on Earth

By: C.G. Morelli

Being a fan of any professional sports team is hard work.  You take the ups and downs of a grueling season just like the players, only without any of the control.  You obsess over waiver moves, trade deadlines, and salary caps.  Your eyes are trained to periodically glance from game to sports ticker and back to game without missing a second of the action.  But, I assure you, being a sports fan in any of the following cities is a whole different animal.  There’s no doubt that these are the homes of some of today’s most miserable fans.  

Seattle, Washington

From the days of Steve Largent to the current Hasselbeck-led version, the Seahawks have always been a tough out.  But they’ve always been out of the winner’s circle.  Seattle fans have seen their football team make it to the Super Bowl only once since the franchise was founded in 1976, and they lost in tear-your-heart-from-your-chest fashion to Tom Brady and the Patriots.

The M’s have also had their moments.  They won the AL Wildcard in 2000 and advanced to the ALCS where they lost to the Yankees.  Then, they put together a record 116-win season en route to another ALCS against the Yankees.  It was a punch to the gut for all Seattle residents when the Bombers trounced their Mariners in five games.  I’m sure the original departure of Ken Griffey, Jr. and the loss of A-Rod didn’t feel so great either. 

Oh, and the Sonics? I don't have the heart to go there.

Kansas City, Missouri

Marty Schottenheimer basically built his legacy as the biggest playoff loser during his tenure as head coach of the Chiefs.  He’s long since left the post, but the team has continued to disappoint under the last two coaching regimes despite having one of the most dominating rushing attacks the NFL has seen in the past decade. 

In a city that loves its football, the Chiefs’ plummet into NFL mediocrity is intolerable.  But at least the Kansas City faithful get some relief once summer rolls around, right?  Wrong.  Two words: Royals suck.  Five more words for the road: Not much relief in sight.

Buffalo, New York

If it’s not bad enough digging yourself from beneath three feet of snow every other day, imagine losing the Super Bowl every year…for four straight years.  It’s no secret that the Bills accomplished this feat from 1990 through 1993.  Things have only gotten worse since then.  Buffalo fans paint their chests and endure arctic temperatures every Sunday as they continue to wait for their first playoff berth since 1999.

But don’t despair Buffalonians, you still have the Sabres…although they’ve never won the Stanley Cup and seem to be doing their best impression of the city’s football team.  How many times is this team going to come up just short?  Even the Dominek the Dominator couldn’t get the Sabres over the hump.  Antacid shortages have been reported in upstate New York.

Cleveland, Ohio

Sweet misery has a penthouse apartment in downtown Cleveland.  Ladies and gentleman, we can ignore it no longer.  The fans in this city have had it rough.  Just think about it.

The Indians haven’t won the series since 1948.  And let’s just highlight a few of the more recent collapses this team has suffered during that span.  In Game 7 of the 1997 World Series, Jose Mesa blew a 2-1 Indian lead in the bottom of the ninth, which allowed the Marlins to win the series two innings later on a clutch hit by Edgar Renteria.   This past season, the Tribe held a 3-1 ALCS lead, only to watch it slip away to the Red Sox.  Let’s face it, the best thing to happen to this franchise in the past 50 years was the movie Major League.

What’s worse is that there’s not a Clevelander around who can remember the last time the Cavaliers won an NBA title.  That’s because it never happened.  Since the team’s founding in 1970, the Cavs have only made a single appearance in the Finals.  It came in 2007 and ended in a four game drubbing at the hands of the San Antonio Spurs…and that was with Lebron.

Let's not
 forget the Browns of the late 80’s.  Bernie Kosar led the team to three AFC Championships between 1986 and 1989.  Unfortunately, on all three occasions, a man named John Elway was there to greet the Browns at the door and send them all home crying to their mommies.

A final slap-shot to the face of all Cleveland fans, is the simple fact that a town like Columbus was found more attractive to hold an NHL franchise.  Columbus??  Really?? Wow. I guess you could always replace the hockey games with some Drew Carey re-runs.

Rube Waddell: A Real Piece of Work

By: C.G. Morelli

Charles Edward Waddell was a small town Pennsylvania farm boy when minor league scouts recognized his ability to throw lightning. Before long, he’d attracted a nickname (“the Rube”) and he was hurling fastballs in the minors. He found immediate success and, by 1902, he was wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates uniform.

In Pittsburgh, however, the Rube found success a little more fleeting. Sure, the kid had great stuff.  But he also had a bit of a strange side to him to say the least. Waddell quickly gained more notoriety for his wild antics than for his ball playing. The man was known to actually leave the playing field during games to chase fire engines, and his unpredictable drinking binges caused him to be chronically and excessively late to games and practices.  Frustrated with his odd behavior, the Pirates cut him loose…and who was there to scoop him up but the old baseball gentleman himself, Connie Mack.

Mack signed Waddell in 1902 to compliment his already burgeoning roster of solid players. Waddell joined the likes of Eddie Plank, Lave Cross, and Nap Lajoie. But the Rube immediately shot to the top of the list, leading the league in strikeouts every year from 1902 through 1907. He led the Athletics in team ERA four times during this span.

For a while, with Mack acting as his surrogate father, Waddell kept his strange behavior at bay, and when he couldn’t restrain himself the citizens of Philadelphia ate him up anyway. Fans especially loved him because he would hang out at local bars in Philly and end up bartending by closing time. He was also known for playing random pickup games in the streets with local kids and for volunteering his services to the fire department.

But eventually, Rube lost his way once more and his erratic, sometimes personally endangering, behavior began to wear on Papa Mack. Waddell was beginning to wear out his welcome. A breaking point appeared to have occurred at the conclusion of the 1905 season. He had led the Athletics to the World Series that year, but couldn’t pitch against the Giants because he’d supposedly injured his elbow in a bizarre incident that culminated in a barroom brawl. It didn’t take long for the public to suspect gamblers were pulling Rube’s strings and rumors began to fly. Nothing was ever proven, but the scandal haunted the Pennsylvania hayseed for the rest of his career.

The scandal, his increasingly flaky attitude towards the game, and his strong taste for drinking, led Mack (who was at the end of his rope) to sell Waddell to the hapless St. Louis Browns for $5,000 before the start of the 1908 season. Mack’s Athletics, who had finished a hopeful 2^nd with an 88-57 record the season before, could not recover. Without Rube’s services they skidded through the 1908 season, finishing a pitiful and disappointing 6^th in the American League with a 68-85 record.

Many Philadelphians, who had almost unilaterally exalted the venerable Connie Mack, lost some respect for their beloved manager who, in the end, could not control his wayward “son.”  The city eventually learned to live without their loveable idiot, but it never found anyone unique enough to replace him in their hearts.